Life can suck. You know what I’m talking about – you’ve been up since three a.m. with a colicky kid, you haven’t washed your hair in three days, and when you desperately need to have a crap you find a banana in your toilet bowl (ok, maybe that last one is specific to just me, but you never know). My point is that there is enough sucky-stuff that gets thrown at you out of nowhere so naturally we all try to avoid putting ourselves in situations that we know in advance are going to suck. But every so often, especially in Mommyland, you end up in a situation that you were sure was going to suck, but doesn’t. These situations happen in the real world too – I have encountered one or two Ashton Kutcher movies that have been surprisingly un-sucky, food from a place called ‘Funky Thai’ was surprisingly tasty and I have had some pleasant surprises when shopping for bathing suits (though not all that often). However, it is the Mommy-related surprisingly un-sucky moments that I want to talk to you about today.
In case you haven’t noticed, I am what you would call an extreme Type A personality. I don’t like surprises and believe that planning is its own art form. Think Kate Gosselin, but not quite so anal. Anyway, while I really appreciate these surprisingly un-sucky moments, I would appreciate them even more if I didn’t spend days, weeks or sometimes months dreading them before hand only to find out that they don’t suck after all. After all that brooding it’s almost a letdown you know? Like geez, if I spend that many hours crying, whining and expending precious brain-cells trying to avoid something it BETTER freaking suck – you know?
So with this in mind, today I bring you a list of things (specifically mommy-related things) that I thought would suck but didn’t, in the hopes that you don’t spend pointless hours worrying about something needlessly. Hell, if you are going to worry, you might as well spend your time worrying about something that does actually sucks (like childbirth – sorry ya’ll, I ain’t gonna lie – it really does suck). Therefore, here is my list of things that I thought would suck but didn’t:
1. Getting Rid of Soothers – I think the problem here was in my thinking that it was my kid who was addicted to this device. Turns out that giving him a pacifier when he was fussy or needed to sleep was my safety blanket that I didn’t want to give up. After much fretting, planning and over-sleeping in an attempt to catch up on sleep that I would inevitably loose once I took the damn thing away, there was practically no fuss over it whatsoever on the part of my son when it disappeared. Go figure. I however, did cry some crazy-lady tears while mumbling something incoherent about kids growing up to fast. But other than that, giving the pacifiers the old heave-ho was surprisingly un-sucky.
2. Moving my Kids from a Crib to a Bed – I don’t know why kids seem to want to give up their naps just around the time they outgrow their cribs, but it really is a cruel joke on us sleep-deprived mommies. It all starts when you go in to get your kid from their nap and find them happily making a mountain of baby wipes on the carpet. You stupidly look around like ‘ok, who the hell took you out of your crib’ only to realize the ugly truth – your adorable baby has turned into a tiny Houdini. But there are upsides to having your baby in a big-kid bed, the best one being that now you can crawl in their bed and cuddle with them, which is especially great when they are sick and you no longer have to sleep on the floor and wake up with carpet imprint on your face. But if you are still really worried, spring for the fancy Princess or Cars bed and your biggest problem will be trying to get them out of the damn thing.
3. Letting my Boys Share a Room – Hey, I have watched Full House. I know what happens when you make siblings share a room. You end up with a skipping rope tied down the middle of the room and a child hanging from the curtains. So was this something I wanted to avoid? Hells to the yeah! Yet since I didn’t want one kid sleeping in the basement by themselves quite yet, there really was no other viable option. But surprisingly putting the boys in the same room has been a blessing in disguise. They now let us sleep in later because when they get up they can play together in their room and they go to bed better because there is someone else in the room with them Plus, it is so freaking cute when you go in and find them sleeping with their arms around each other! Apparently, sometimes T.V doesn’t represent reality very accurately. Huh. Who knew?
4. Potty training – Yes Alice, I have read your post. And I have shared your pain. I did not want to potty train Prince either and was terrified of the inevitable extra laundry, stress, and tears (mine mostly) that would come with the territory. And I had no idea what the hell you were supposed to do at night – all of a sudden put them back in diapers? ‘Yes honey, you are a big boy during the day but a baby at bedtime!’ – I could practically see the therapy bills piling up. Yet somehow it wasn’t that bad. What I thought would be weeks of staying in the house while my son ran around naked from the waist down turned out to be just one day of nudity. Also, it is surprisingly easy to dump a turd out of a pair of underwear. And my kids turned out to be a whole lot smarter than I gave them credit for. Prince knew when he was able to sleep through the night without pull-ups (which I used exclusively before real underwear, thereby avoiding the therapy bills). Of course, you have to wait until your child is ready – otherwise it really will suck – and you will know when they are ready because you are a mom and Mom’s Just Know. So until then just tell all the Nosy-Nancy’s to back off and stop worrying about it, cause it really doesn’t suck that much. Besides Alice, you’re pregnant so you really have better things to worry about – like childbirth. Have fun with that!