Maybe I am from another planet like Superman. Or maybe it’s from all those times I have been bitten by a baby. Or maybe I just watched all the Look Who’s Talking movies one too many times. But however I got it, it cannot be denied that I have a Super Power.
It is truly uncanny. I will be in the kitchen making dinner and Edward will be downstairs playing with the kids and I will hear Simba cry out and I’ll just yell “He wants his milk!” or “Prince, let him go!” and every time Edward comes upstairs and is like “how did you know??!!”So like all my superhero idols I figure that I had better use my Super Power for good. So today instead of some long winded yet wittily phrased rant that somehow involves poop, I will help you improve your baby-cry decoding skills to save you from spending hours playing the ‘wtf does this kid want’ guessing game. You can thank me later.
Awww Shit, I pooped. And damn, it is smelling bad! You better get your ass over here and change my diaper lady.”
Come on lady – I can’t stick my lip out any further. Would you just whip out a boobie already?”
“OMG – I totally asked for Brangelina as parents and you stuck me with these two? WTF?”
Look lady, I didn’t mean to put my finger in the dog’s anus. Ok, I did mean to, but don’t look at me like that – I got confused as to which end I was looking at – I just thought it was his mouth! Anyways, I’m sure he’ll get over it eventually...