Friday, 13 January 2012

Random Thoughts From a Distracted Mother

Whatever happened to the days when boredom was our biggest complaint in life?  Maybe it’s just me (being an only child) but as a kid it seemed like I was always looking for something to do; now as an adult, it seems like I am always looking for an excuse not to do something.
As you can probably tell, I’ve been far from bored lately.  A few weeks ago Life threw me a big ol’ suckerpunch and ever since then me and Life have been scrappin’.  At the moment though, I have Life securely in a headlock so I thought I would take this time to share with you some of the slightly incoherent ramblings that I have managed to jot down on spare napkins during the few calm moments I have been allotted.  Hope you enjoy.
Random Thought #1:  I don’t understand why the mascot for a battery is a bunny.  Personally, I associate bunnies with sex (thank you Hugh Hefner) so unless I had a vibrator with energy issues a bunny-related battery wouldn’t be my go-to solution.  Personally, I think that if battery companies want a mascot that people will associate with outlasting regular batteries, they should hire a toddler.  Talk about something that just keeps going and going ... and going!  Out of four battery-operated toys that my kids got for Christmas, I have had to replace the batteries in three of them already.  Not cool.  So while bunnies are cute and sex is great, toddler-energy is superior.  So if anyone wants to take me up on my suggestion, I have two incredibly cute kids available for commercials and ad campaigns.  And yes, we will accept payment in batteries.
Random Thought #2:  What speed exactly are internet companies comparing their service to when they say they offer ‘high-speed internet’?  At this point in the game, I really don’t think it is fair to compare to old-fashioned dial-up service – didn’t that go extinct with the dinosaurs or something?  Plus it kind of shocked me the other day when I was on the phone with our internet provider and was asked to be patient because their computers were ‘a little slow today.’  Seriously?  If you can’t even provide high-speed service to yourselves, how the heck am I supposed to be able to finish downloading J. Edgar before it comes out on DVD?
Random Thought #3:  What is the point of fine print?  If it is really there to make sure you are aware of important details shouldn’t it be BIG BLACK BOLD print?  Really people, how many of us have the time to read all that crap and how many of us just need glasses?  I don’t think it is fair to penalize the visually impaired with cancellation fees, high interest rates, life-long servitude, or whatever else they include in all that fine print.  Personally, I do NOT think fine print is fine at all.  I think it is wrong and deceitful print whose only intention is to trick you and make you feel stupid, and I already have kids who do that quite well, thank-you-very-much. 
At least now I know what to do the next time I want some more boring in my life – pop some new batteries into my computer, hop on the not-so-high-speed internet and read some not-so-fine print.  Unless I can think of an excuse not to that is.  
Oh and life?  How about a truce? 

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