Tuesday, 31 May 2011

The Funniest Things My Kids Can't Say

As anyone who lived with a toddler (or watched a certain television show starring Bill Cosby or Art Linkletter) can tell you, kids say the darndest things.  From repeating things they shouldn't, to saying things out of context, to their cute little lisps, we all take note, laugh at and show off to our friends the cute things our kids say.  Well, today it's my turn.
It was just in the last few weeks that Simba began to say words at all – so far he has mastered “dye-dye” (bye-bye), “dat” (that), “nan-nan” (banana) and “aaaaaaahhhhh” (this is how he says everything else).   Since none of these is particularly hilarious, I will instead be chronicling Princes verbal foibles for you.  Keep in mind that he is 3 now  therefore has a tendency to screw up whole sentences.  So, with this in mind, here is my list of the Funniest Things My Kids Can’t Say: 
The Prince Edition:
The letter ‘R’(Comes out as W) –  I don’t know what it is about the letter ‘R’ that is so difficult for Prince, but for some reason they all still come out as ‘W.’  Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have been speaking to his little brother in baby speak for the past 1.5 years, or maybe he is somehow related to Elmer Fudd or the old priest in the Princess Bride.  But whatever the weason, it is weally, weally cute.  At least for now.  If he is still doing it at thirty, we may have a problem.
 Quotes (He repeats them in the wrong context) – Currently Prince is addicted to Toy Story 3.  Like seriously addicted.  He alternates between pretending to be Buzz, Woody & Jessie and is frequently shouting random lines from the movie like “Buzz Lightyear to the wescue!”, “Hey Hee Hooo!”or “To ‘finity and beyond!” (I know these are not exact quotes but this is how prince says it).  Although this has gotten me a few odd looks at the grocery store I really didn’t see it as a problem – just another cute thing to explain to random strangers.
“Stay out my butt!” however, was a bit harder to explain.  For those of you who have not had the pleasure of watching Toy Story 3 as many times as I have  4,872,593 times let me explain.  While the credits play at the end of the movie, there are some short clips to amuse the kids.  One such clip involves some small toys getting inside Mr. Potato Head and pushing out his pieces from the inside.  To which Mr. Potato Head says (you guessed it) “Stay out of my butt!”  Whoever wrote this clip really needs to send my mother-in-law an apology because she just about choked on her peanuts when Prince randomly screamed this out at the top of his lungs during our last visit.  And damnit, she was just starting to like me.
Lies (He always tells it like is) – As adults we are really good at sugar coating things.  You know what I mean.  Like when your crazy aunt shows up at your door with her wig on backwards and her rabid cat under her arm, you say “Oh Aunty Sue!  So good to see you!  Come on in!  I see you have a new hairdo – how modern!  What a nice kitty!” Yet secretly you are coming up with some bogus gynaecological emergency so you can get the hell out of there, because you would rather have someone shove a speculum between your legs than hang out with her. 
Three year olds however, have no trouble telling it like it is.  When my dad visited us recently, he wasn’t in the door 10 minutes when Prince came out with “Pa, you have a WEALLY big belly!”  And just last week at the park he told me “Mommy you has a booger in you nose.”  So if you ever need an honest opinion as to whether or not you look fat in your new dress don’t ask your husband – just ask the nearest three-year-old.
Fajitas (Faateetahs) – Ok, so it is actually my Grandma who can’t say this.  Prince can actually say this perfectly, but for some reason, even if I break it down for my grandma she still cannot pronounce it.  Maybe it is because she is halfway to deaf, or simply because the only other language she speaks is pig latin, but this just ain’t happening.  Let’s just hope she never goes to Mexico.
So, let’s review what we have learned today – 1) Kids are not the only ones who mispronounce stuff, 2) Disney is to blame for the estrangement between me and my in-laws and 3) if 3yr olds could enter politics we might finally get some straight answers from our government.  Who says reading blogs is a waste of time?

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