Considering that I am a mom of two boys, you may find it ironic to know that at heart I am a total Barbie Girl. Ok, so due to my ‘profession’ I do spend an inordinate amount of time in my pyjamas, without makeup, and with eyebrows that would make Bert from Sesame Street proud. But if you saw me outside the house you would never know that I could go a whole day without brushing my hair.
My best friend Bridget is mostly to blame for this, though What Not to Wear deserves some of the credit too. When we were in Grade 7 Bridget became my official Wardrobe Consultant (because I desperately needed one) and she taught me that anytime you leave the house you run the risk of bumping into Mr. Right so you had better be prepared. Nowadays, since I have found my Mr. Right (who I bumped into while locked out of my apartment and wearing pyjamas by the way) the philosophy is just so ingrained that I can`t shake it.
But wait, that is not all. While the above may be familiar to some of you other Barbie Girls out there, I am pretty sure that not many others went to the extreme of doing their own photo shoots. Yes, that is plural. I swear this is true and I still have the pictures to back it up. Bridget and I were all of 13 or 14 when we decided we needed to do our own fashion photo shoot because we were so awesome. We hung up a bed sheet in the hallway at my parent’s house and posed with plastic lawn chairs and fake flowers. And the worst part is we totally thought we were cool. No, actually, after second thought, the worst part is that we totally did another photo shoot just last Christmas. Unlike Alice, I am obviously not becoming an adult - in fact, I may be regressing.
In addition to being a fashion diva I also have the other main quality associated with Barbie Girls – I am completely hopeless with cars. Not only did Edward and I have to make sure that the last vehicle we bought had an attached gas cap because I kept forgetting the gas cap at the gas station, but our next vehicle is going to have to have those camera thingies for when you are reversing, so I don’t continue to back our car into our snow blower. And that is not all. I recently borrowed Edward’s car, left the lights on and drained the battery. Luckily he went to get something from his car later that night and noticed my mistake so we had the joy of trying to jump start his car at one in the morning. All things considered I was very impressed that he kept the swear words to a minimum. At least I didn’t electrocute him by putting the jumper cables on backward.
In my defence, the above Barbie Girl qualities have in no way impeded me in my quest to be a great mom. Ok, so I may spend an extra five minutes picking out something to wear and putting on some makeup. But if I didn't, you all would have to look at my mismatched outfits and the scariness that is me without makeup and wonder why I stopped taking my meds. Really, I'm just doing YOU a favour. But seriously, I figure if I look nice in public it just shows that I take pride in myself, which is something I would like my kids to do. As for the car thing, I am slowly learning - I actually took the car for an oil change all by myself. I figure as long as my kids see me making an effort and trying my best that is what matters.
Unfortunately, there is one quality that I haven’t mentioned yet that is common to most Barbie Girls and has recently interfered with my ability to look like a competent adult. I was on a play date last week with some friends and we were in one of their basements. There was a little kitchen there and Prince loves pretending to make me food and serve it to me, so when he passed me a pretend cup of tea, I thought nothing of it and began to bring it towards my mouth as if I was going to drink it. It was only when the said cup was about an inch away from my face that I noticed the huge creepy crawly thing with about a gazillion legs that was crawling around in said cup. Did I manage to calmly walk out of the room and dispose of the bug elsewhere? Hells to the NO. In true Barbie Girl fashion I screamed my most blood-curdling scream and hurled the cup across the room without even checking if I was going to hit a child with it. I didn’t, but still. I really need to work on that one. Luckily, since my kids are both boys they seem to have been born with the inability to be scared of bugs, so they will probably end up being the bug catchers of the family anyway. As long as they don`t start putting bugs in my bed for a laugh, I`ll be okay.
So to all the other Barbie Girls out there, you have no reason to be ashamed. I am a Barbie Girl and I am proud of it, even if it can be a little embarrassing at times. And to all those Barbie Girl haters out there, stop being Judgy McJudgersons and embrace the awesomeness that is us.
Come on Barbie let`s go party, O-oh! O-oh! Oh, I'm having so much fun!