Wednesday, 3 August 2011

It Might Not Be a Good Thing If...

My Dad has this saying.  If something really weird, outrageous or unexpected happens, like the time he accidentally stapled his friend’s hand to our porch while attempting to put up the Christmas lights, he will say “That is Not a Good Thing,” with appropriate facial expressions, sarcasm and understatement-of-the-year type attitude.  Well, this post is about all the “Not Good Things” that have happened to me since I have posted last.  Consider this our own version of Jeff Foxworthy’s famous “you might be a redneck if...” series.  So without further ado:
 It might Not Be a Good Thing if...
...the first words out of your three-year-olds mouth when you see him are “I didn’t do anything.”  At least it wasn’t good for me when Prince said this when he came into the kitchen yesterday.  My momstinct told me not to believe what my doe-eyed child was telling me, and upon entering the bathroom he had just vacated I found that he had knocked the bathroom door over (which was off the hinges for renovation purposes), hitting the sink and causing the sink to pull away from the pipes, resulting in a mini-flood in our bathroom.  
It might Not Be a Good Thing if... have to leave one of your children to amuse themselves while you are putting your other child in time out.  Because the former may decide to take a nose dive down the stairs while you are occupied and then, not only do you increase your risk of a heart attack by running to the bottom of the stairs to catch your child in mid-flight, but you are left wondering if you screwed up the time-out routine by saying “Prince you are in time out because ... OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!”  Supernanny, where are you when I need you? 
And finally, It might Not Be a Good Thing if...
...your child likes piggy-back rides.  Because when you go on a playdate and there is a cat present your child may try to ride it, causing internal damage and outrageous vet bills, which you feel it is your responsibility to pay since you never thought to explain to your child that cats are not for riding. Damn, that's another playgroup I am banned from.  
So, if you can’t tell, it has been one of those weeks.  Hopefully, someone out there is able to get a chuckle out of these events, because all I have gotten so far is an ulcer and some more gray hairs.  So send me your comments (or some Tums) and enjoy the rest of your week. 
Note:  No cats were injured in the writing of this post – while my child did attempt to sit on the cat, he was caught before he could do any damage.  The rest is simply my horrific imaginings of what would have occurred had I not had my coffee that morning.

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