No, my week of Not Good Things has not scrambled my brain. You read it right – I am talking about UN-Super Powers today –powers that are not super; i.e. they did not result from some freak accident, alien abduction, or genetic mutation, yet are amazing all the same. I have come to realize that there are lots of so-called ‘powers’ that us mom’s use every day that might not be considered ‘super’ but have definitely saved the day many a time. For example:
1. Fun-o-vision – This is my term for the ability to see potential fun in seemingly boring things or situations. When moms reach that point of no return, that IF-I-DON’T-GET-A- MINUTE -TO –MYSELF- I-AM- GOING-TO- TURN- INTO –THE- INCREDIBLE-HULK moment, it is amazing the things that they will come up with in order to occupy their kids. How many times have you let your kids play with your car keys in order to save the eardrums of the other customers waiting in line at the grocery store? Or let your kids use your pots as a drum set so they will let you cook dinner in (relative) peace? The doctor’s office is most often the scene of some serious improvising. I once entertained my then 10 month old for a good half an hour with a case of lipstick, and it did not involve making a mess! Seriously, they should give out medals for this shit.
2. Selective Sight/Hearing –How often do you tune out the ear-splitting shrieks of your child while you are driving so that you don’t drive into the first brick wall you see on purpose? How many times have you pretended not to see your child pick his nose or eat something of the floor just so you wouldn’t have to lecture them about it again? The weirdest example of this is when you go on your computer or phone to email/text. For some reason, if I have to text or type around my children, it takes all of my brain power to focus on writing coherently so I become completely detached from reality. Usually it takes me getting hit upside the head with Thomas the Train before I realize that World War III just broke out in my living room while I was out in cyberspace. What I don’t get is how I can somehow manage to tune out a war zone in order to write an email, but when I need to sleep a freaking pin drop will wake me up. What can I say, I guess this power is a bit of a double edged sword; after all, ‘with great power, comes great responsibility’...
3. Lying with Style – I’m not talking about little white lies that leave everyone feeling warm and fuzzy. I am talking about getting seriously creative, like when I told my kids that their patience is in their belly button or that broccoli is Superman’s favourite food and eating it is what gives him his superpowers. And not only can we lie with style, the kids actually believe us! Sometimes I am so good that I start to believe myself. Which can be kind of confusing, yet may explain my recent post in which I claim to have a Superpower.
Unfortunately, our un-powers only work on our children. The dentist didn’t buy it when I told him that the tooth fairy was going to pay for my recent dental work. Oh well. At least I had fun playing with the magic spit stick. Ok, so maybe my brain is a little bit scrambled...
P.S – this post is dedicated to Bridget as she is the one who first recognized these un-super powers for what they are. Plus, she is my personal Superhero.