Toys My Kids Love That Aren’t Actually Toys

Why is it that when you shell out some serious cash for a toy it either ends up broken or ignored?  Yet when you stumble across an empty Coke bottle at the park your kids think it is the best thing since Sesame Street?  Then there are those times when they insist that your glass candle holders are not in fact candle holders but light sabres, and then proceed to smack each other with them.  Now, I am all for encouraging kid’s imaginations but I draw the line when my kid starts using my favourite necklace as Woody’s lasso.  Whatever the reason behind it, it cannot be denied that kids are able to make toys out of the most unlikely objects.  As you are about to see, sometimes this works in our favour and sometimes it doesn’t.  But it always makes for interesting post material.  So without further delay, here are my kid’s top five toys that aren’t actually toys:

1.  My Shoes –Despite (or maybe because of) the fact that my kids are boys, they love attempting to walk around in my high heels.  I really didn’t mind this at first – there is nothing cuter than a baby boy toddling around in pumps that match his outfit.  Then one night I needed my white satin pumps for a dinner party and ended up searching our backyard with a flashlight in my cocktail dress in order to find my missing shoe, which was half buried in our garden.   Now I have one beige satin pump and one white one.   Oh, the joys (and expenses) of having children.

2.  My Car – Thanks to America’s Funniest Videos for giving my husband the idea that letting our son sit in the driver’s seat of our SUV would be cute and funny.  It was, at first.  Until he accidentally called OnStar emergency when we were busy taking pictures, and then threw a titanic fit when we tried to pry his little fingers away from the steering wheel.  Needless to say, we now have a much more difficult time persuading him to sit in his car seat.

3.  My Purse/Wallet – While I admit that this was helpful when I was trying to keep our son quiet in church, it lost its appeal when he started giving away my money to the people sitting behind us.  Luckily, most people’s consciences don’t let them get away with stealing money from a baby in church so I did get my money back.  I was slightly more pissed when I was at the checkout at the grocery store and looked in my wallet to find that all the cards were missing and I had no cash.  That’s one more grocery store I am banned from.

4.  Garbage – No, I don’t let my children rifle through our trash.  But my son has this one toy car that has no wheels left on it that he absolutely adores and I refuse to classify it as a toy because it belongs in the garbage.  Maybe it is more fun to drive a car around the floor when it leaves a trail of scratch marks behind it.  I don’t know.  But one of these days I will pry it out of his hands when he is asleep and toss it in the trash and then celebrate by downing a bottle of wine while refinishing my floors.

5.  My Mixing Bowls – Who knew that a mixing bowl full of snow and some random utensils would provide hours of entertainment for the under 4 crowd?  This also works if you fill the bowls with the excess soap bubbles from your sink.  I swear I could open a kid’s play area where children would play with bubbles in the summer and snow in bowls in the winter and make a bundle.   Or at least enough to replace my now chipped and scratched mixing bowl set.

So what did we learn today?  Hide your favourite shoes, keep some extra cash in your bra and the next time you need some peace and quiet pull out your mixing bowls.  You’re welcome.

-Wendy