Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Random Acts of Weirdness

Apparently a side effect of motherhood is random acts of weirdness.  Last night as I lay on my son’s bedroom floor, thinking about how rough the poly-blend material of his carpet felt against my cheek, I realized just how ridiculous I looked at that moment.   Who would understand why I was lying face down on the floor next to my son’s crib at midnight, holding a facecloth and trying not to breathe too loudly?   Even my awesome blog partner Alice would need to hear an explanation for this one, though I am sure that in the end she would be grunting sympathetically (yes, us mom’s often grunt as a form of communication– it is something we have picked up from our children).
Anyway, this got me thinking about some of the other ridiculous/crazy/weird moments I have found myself in recently.  For example, yesterday morning around 10am you would have found Alice and I wearing tiara’s and matching princess shoes, holding hands and dancing in a circle while singing ‘Part of Your World’ from the little mermaid.  Are we Bat-shit crazy?  Yes.  Do we secretly wish to be princesses?  Totally.  But was this performance necessary to keep our children from self-destructing and destroying Alice’s house.  Hells to the yes.
 A few weeks ago, if you had snuck into my backyard, you would have found me in the kiddie pool with my kids, fully dressed and pretending to swim like a mermaid, which is not easy considering the pool is only 4 feet wide and I am 5’8”.  In my defence though, it was 40 degrees Celsius at the time, I hadn’t showered in three days and was sick and tired of doing laundry. But yes, I am pretty sure this is one of the reasons my neighbours don’t speak to me. 
It’s even worse when I am forced to act like a kindergarten-teacher-on-meth in public.  Like yesterday when Prince begged me to sing “The Wheels on the Bus” LOUDLY while we were walking to the park. But that wasn’t as bad as on the way home when I had the Sesame Street theme song emanating from my ass (thank you iphone – I apparently need to rethink keeping my phone in my back pocket).
Then just this evening when Edward came home he found me and the kids lying flat on the living room floor, seemingly starring at the ceiling.  While at first he was scared that we had finally succumbed to my bad cooking, everything made sense when Prince yelled out “BEEP, BEEP, BEEP – Time to get UP!!”  Yes, we were playing naptime, which I highly recommend BTW.  Just make sure you ‘sleep’ with one eye open because your children will eventually jump on you, thereby forcing you to play ‘doctor’ as you check for internal bleeding and try and figure out a way to force your stomach back down your throat where it belongs.
My point is, do not judge mother’s on their random acts of weirdness.  Trust that whatever crazy shit we are doing is necessary for either our sanity or our children’s.  Either that, or we are simply too exhausted to realize that our shirt is inside out, in which case, just smile and keep moving because we really don’t need to be embarrassed any further by you pointing it out.  Though if we aren’t wearing pants, you should probably let us know.  Thanks.

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